


I'm Not the Only One

by inspiredziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Sam Smith Song, Infidelity, M/M, what do you expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 10:51:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2729705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inspiredziam/pseuds/inspiredziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the song "I'm Not the Only One" by Sam Smith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not the Only One

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend you listen to im not the only one by sam smith before reading if you havent already (: sorry in advance im just very angsty. also thanks to @zeeyumx for beta-ing my work (: feedback will be great!

_You and me, we made a vow for better or for worse_

Zayn blinked rapidly attempting to restrain the barrier that kept his tears at bay. It was finally happening, he was getting married to his best friend, the love of his life.

As he looked at Liam, he relished in the amount of love and fondness radiating from those brown eyes.

_Those brown eyes._

Those brown eyes that he was besotted with since when they first met at that old, overrated pub that Louis dragged Zayn to in hopes of scoring with the clumsy lad across the street from the cafe where they spent most of their uni days. Those brown eyes that changed Zayn’s perspective on just about anything and everything even on things he’d never admit to. Those brown eyes that brightened his everyday life in ways he never knew were possible. Those brown eyes that were currently staring right back at him as if he were the air that kept his lungs functioning, as if he were the gravity that constantly kept him steady. Those same brown eyes that assured Zayn that yes, he was willing to give his all to this man, he was willingly and wholeheartedly agreeing to create a future with him, to share a home with him, to share his joys with, to override times of despair with. To love.

Smiling a shaky smile at Zayn, Liam took a deep and steady breath. “When we first met, the thought of us together sounded crazy and impossible. Seeing you enter the pub where we met, I immediately found myself drawn to you. You were-and still are- the beautiful boy with the tense jaw and leather jacket with hair so high you would have probably put Danny Zuko to shame” a few giggles slipped through the crowd and Louis’ scolding voice coming from Zayn’s right side blabbering about how much he told Zayn how disturbingly tall that quiff was. As the scattered laughter subsided, Liam took another steady breath and continued. “I tried to hide my feelings and did it successfully yet painfully. We became closer over time and my feelings for you only strengthened. Then one ordinary day turned extraordinary when you confessed you had feelings for me. I told you how I felt and then you kissed me. It felt just right. Like we were meant to be together. You made me feel like everything was going to be all right. I couldn't believe that someone as beautiful and wonderful as you would love me back. I still can't. It’s been five years since that amazing day and I feel exactly the same as I did then, love you just as much if not more” Liam then placed his hands on Zayn’s cheeks rubbing the soft skin there, also wiping at the tears that Zayn had given up on holding back.

“Before you my life was empty, meaningless. I thought it would be like that until the day I died. But after we got together I was happier than I have ever been, you gave my life meaning. You filled the empty spot in my heart. I can't imagine living without you, and I won't. Today I am the luckiest man alive. I love you more than I can ever tell you or show you, and will love you forever and always”.

Zayn’s heart soared. He couldn't understand how someone could love another being as much as he loved the man standing in front of him. Zayn placed his hands on top of the hands that were so delicately stroking his own cheek. He looked at Liam and finally allow himself to speak as if his heart were in his throat.

“Liam, five years ago you captured my heart by being exactly who you are. The sweetest, most loving, compassionate, and sensitive person I have ever known. You have been my very best friend, helping me get through the good and the bad. You have been the reason that I smile and you have given me comfort beyond measure when I cried. You believed in me when no one else would, and you have shown me how to love with passion, purity, and unconditional acceptance. I'm not sure a lifetime is long enough to return all you have given to me, but I promise the rest of my days I'll spend by your side. To laugh with you and cry with you, to believe in you and support you. In poverty I promise to do everything to make our love rich, and in wealth to never let our love grow poor. Together we are better than we could ever hope to be alone, and today I give you my love, my trust, and my fidelity forever. You will always be the best part of my day” Zayn finished allowing his tears to fall without constraint.

Liam was crying as well wanting nothing more than to embrace Zayn.

The wedding officiate smiled warmly at the pair then not wanting them to suffer anymore announced, “I, Jason McCarthy with the power invested in me by the state of Nevada declare you as husband and husb-“ Not being able to wait a second more, Zayn hastily grabs Liam’s neck and kisses him passionately. Lips still touching, Liam whispers “I love you Mr. Zayn Payne”. 

Zayn giggles, “I love you too li, I love you forever”.

_I can’t believe you let me down, but the proof’s in the way it hurts_

Zayn and Liam settled into a comfortable lifestyle. They both accommodated their careers in order to spend as much time with each other as possible.

As Liam got out the shower from a long day at work, Zayn had him down on his stomach and gave Liam a massage that had him moaning from the amount of pleasure. “Baby you shouldn't over work yourself, I’m sure the office can do for one day without you there” zayn argued worriedly.

Liam sighed, “Babe you don’t understand, I need to work my way to the top and the only way I can do that is by working extra hours”.

Zayn nodded slowly, “li I know yeah? I’m just. Worried about you, s’all”. Liam smiled a crinkly smile that Zayn had found himself adoring each day but when they met eyes, something was different about them. They looked distant. Zayn shook it off as something that work might’ve caused.

But he knew he was lying to himself.

Brought down from his thoughts, Zayn heard Liam’s phone vibrating from his night stand. Not wanting Liam to walk around, he reached out to grab it.

“Zayn, I got it”, Liam said loudly. Zayn raised his eyebrows and put up his hands in surrender, “I was just trying to help li remember?”

After grabbing his phone, he hastily kissed Zayn on the cheek and simply said, “It’s an important call, m’gonna take it outside”. “Um okay” zayn said only to find his voice echoing in the empty apartment. Liam never took his phone calls outside, personal or business related. Sighing, zayn decided to read a book until Liam came back.

Halfway to his third chapter, Liam came back flushed.

“Li? Babe are you okay? Is it work”, Zayn asked worriedly. Taken off guard, Liam gasped, “Oh Zayn you scared me I thought you were asleep”.

“No li, I was waiting for you. I can never sleep without you in bed you know that” Zayn questioned eyebrows furrowing a bit. Liam looked guilty before he masked it quickly with a hesitant smile, “Right. Right of course I know that Zayn. Um it was a call from work about some business you’d find boring, s’not important anyways”, Liam said carelessly throwing his phone on the night stand and getting comfortable in bed.

“It’s always important li, you’re important” Zayn whispered but only to see Liam’s back facing him.

_For months on end I've had my doubts, denying every tear._

Liam continued to be distant but Zayn excused it as stress from work.

Deciding that a romantic getaway was very much needed, Zayn dug out candles Liam brought a year ago complaining about something in between the lines of seeing it in a Nicholas sparks movie. Zayn giggled to himself and set those aside while he prepared dinner from this fancy recipe his mom had dropped off the other night. With the food almost finished, Zayn lit all the candles and placed them around the house and on their dining table along with the expensive wine he had bought that day. Then, Zayn spread petals of roses he had also bought that day over their bed. After placing the food in the fancy plates they had only reserved for guests, he set it on the table expecting Liam to pop in the apartment any second now.

But seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. Heavily sighing, Zayn got up to blow out each individual candle until he heard his phone ring. When he crossed the room to answer his phone, he held it up to find out who the caller was.

Liam.

Putting the phone to his ear, Zayn huffed a ‘hello’ still angry at Liam. Getting no answer from the other end of the phone, Zayn continued to try to get a reply from Liam but to no avail. Thinking it was a butt dial, Zayn was going to hang up until he heard a female voice he didn't recognize.

“Liiiamm c’mon just for a little longer” a slurred voice whined.

“Okay five minutes, I’m late as it is”, Liam warned.

“Five minutes is all I need babe”, the female purred.

Zayn dropped his phone and bolted to the toilet to empty the remains of his stomach. After dry heaving for a couple seconds, Zayn attempted to stand up only to fall back on the ground. Frustrated, he rubbed his face with his hands finally catching a glimpse of his wedding band. Now it all made sense. It all made sense. How distant Liam has been, how late he came home each night. Everything was clear. Unable to hold it in any longer, Zayn burst into tears.

He continued sobbing until he finally wiped his tears and headed to their bedroom. _Their_ bedroom, Zayn thinks. Seeing the petals on the bed, he felt a sudden angry pang bolt through his body. He started shoving all the petals off angry at Liam angry at the girl, angry at himself. Tired emotionally and physically Zayn wrapped his arms around his thin frame and plopped onto the bed not bringing himself to care about the mess he created.

He doesn't sleep. It isn't until about an hour later when he feels the weight of another body that smells like cheap perfume and a tinge of Liam that he falls asleep, mentally holding onto whatever scent of Liam he can get.

_I wish this would be over, but I know that I still need you here._

It becomes a habit of his. Zayn comes back from work, cleans the house and cooks dinner. Cooking dinner served no purpose seeing it was always left untouched.

Liam usually came at the dusk of dawn saying things among of the lines of ‘had a huge load of work today, you know how it is babe’

Zayn merely nods and other than silently crying himself to sleep, acts completely normal. He has asked himself on many occasions why he hasn't left Liam yet. He always came to the conclusion of Liam being his lifeline. He couldn't bring himself to leave Liam because he was completely dependent on the man. But the pain was still there. As strong as ever.

Zayn thought he would exhaust himself from the pain he felt by crying, but that didn't work the way he thought it would.

That day, Zayn returned from work not able to face another customer any longer without sobbing and telling them his problems. Zayn had thought about ringing Louis up and telling him everything but that would require Louis storming into his apartment and demanding him to leave Liam.

Zayn knew he was pathetic but there wasn't a thing he could do to leave Liam, he still believed there was a glimmer of hope when Liam came at night and wrapped a heavy arm over Zayn’s waist. 

Zayn was mostly angry at Liam on that particular day.

He stomped into the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Swiftly grabbing the liquor out of the cabinet, he walked to the bedroom with intent in his footsteps. Forcing the closet doors open, he pulled out the jumper Liam had bought him last Christmas telling him ‘it’d keep you warm when I’m not there’ with the biggest pout he’s seen Liam master.

Laughing bitterly, Zayn wandered if he was going insane as he threw the jumper to the side and threw the teddy bear Liam had bought him for their second date. Zayn continued throwing things Liam had bought him over the years into a pile. After he finished, he threw the things that once meant the world to him into a duffel bag. On his way out of the flat, Zayn grabbed his lighter and more liquor.

Zayn stopped at the abandoned park him and Liam had visited every week, a tradition now broken. During their trips to the park, Liam brought up the subject of adopting and starting a family as soon as he got the raise he wanted. Zayn remembered leaving the park with happy tears streaming down his face. Today, the tears streaming out of his face don’t seem to be telling the same story. Zayn walked to the fire pit where Liam and him claimed as their fire pit even though no one was ever there to claim it as their own.

Zayn unzipped the duffelbag and emptied the contents one by one into the fire pit, crying harder than ever. Zayn took a couple of swigs of the liquor he had brought along and then poured the remains of it on Liam’s gifts. He then lit a match, but something he had thrown into the fire pit caught his eye.

It was a picture of Zayn and Liam on their wedding day. Zayn was complaining about his shoes being a size too small because Harry had placed the ordered wrong. Liam carried him bridal style telling him that from that day on he wouldn’t let harm reach him as long as he was there, just as a flash went off in the opposite direction. Zayn fell to his knees. “Where are you now Liam, I’m hurting Li, it hurts so much”.

His gaze lingering on the picture, Zayn lit another match and threw it in the fire pit watching the memories burn. Zayn wonders if his cries for Liam were louder than the sounds of the fire crackling.

\-----

Later that evening, Zayn returned to the apartment with his clothes dirty and faced smudged with dirt. He hadn't expected Liam to be pacing the apartment though.

“Li?” his voice breaking, worrying about what caused Liam to be so nervous. He still surprised himself at how much he loved the man.

Liam’s head snapped up. “Zayn? Zayn- oh thank god”, Liam sobbed walking towards Zayn and hugging him tightly.

“Liam? What’s wrong? What happ-“, Zayn started.

“I know you know Zayn. I know. I just-I know”.

Zayn gasped, “What I-“ 

“Zayn I’m sorry, I love you I love you so much don’t leave me please I can’t-“

Something then snapped in Zayn. How dare Liam just apologize and expect him to forgive him. How dare he plan on making Zayn’s pain disappear with a simple ‘sorry’.

“No”, Zayn simply said. 

"Please Zayn it was a mistake-“Liam begged.

“Mistake?! What had happened to always protecting me? What happened to loving only me? I thought you loved me Li” Zayn yelled at Liam through his tears.

“I do love you Zayn I swear-“Liam sobbed. 

“No Liam, that’s not love. Stop, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.” Zayn ran towards the room and started shoving his clothes into his bag. Liam ran after Zayn and attempted to stop him from packing any further. “Zayn please. I’ll stop I won’t see her ever again. I stay faithful please. I-if you love me-“

“I do love you Liam. I have always loved you and will continue to love you but I cannot look you in the eyes the same way anymore. I can’t lay in the same bed with you without smelling her, without thinking of her” Zayn chokes, “Bye liam, take care of yourself, yeah?”

Zayn grabs Liam’s cheeks and kisses his lips chastely. When he lets go to move away, Liam collapses to the floor and begins to sob and call out Zayn’s name begging him to stay. Zayn wipes his own tears as he walks out on his husband, their apartment, his life.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided not to make a sequel for this story because I cant bring myself to condone cheating. BUT I wrote a post-breakup fic! you should read that (: . You can comment here or tweet me @inspiredziam (:


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